Thursday, March 30, 2006

THE COMING OF THE GREAT ;-)

Like all things good and bad that inhabit this universe, I also have a beginning.

The Genesis…

The day I was born the entire world celebrated. Till today the day is cherished as that of dreams, happiness and eternal love. OK OK… You guys stop giving me that “you-twister-of-facts-look” one would give Mr. Bush when he says “We are STILL trying to find Weapons of mass destruction in Iraq”. I happened to be born on the V-Day. (No no… my parents weren’t married on Children’s Day… Oops! It is supposed to work the other way round, isn’t it?) So when young couples walked hand-in-hand in dimly lit parks, gays returned peoples stares silently yet vehemently saying “Dude! Today is Valentines Day and we are in love” and dogs trotted around with their bitches with that “I am gonna get laid today” look in their doggie eyes, my mother was trying hard to bring this bundle of joy (I bet she would beg to disagree) into this world.

It was a calm morning compared to the catastrophe that was in store. I mean the earth didn’t shake, the volcanoes didnt erupt and tornados didn’t wipe away lives to mark the debacle that occurred on that Winter of ’83. I guess it was the lull before the storm.

Topsy-Turvy…

To begin with I was born upside down. Well I am not referring to how my cupboard looks (which btw looks as if Bin Laden has done a test bombing in my closet before WTO) or my twisted brains (which I am sure during my post-mortem would look like a chunk of entangled spaghetti). I mean to say that I was LITERALLY upside down in my mother’s womb.

Watching the sonogram of their unborn child is one of the most touching moments for any couple. My parents would have had a picture perfect view in there minds of an innocent fetus cuddled in blissful slumber. They were in for a shock!!! Besides being upside down I was striking this pose as if I had just been electrocuted. My parents were amazed at how I could have imitated Jayan even before my birth, with my limbs stretched out wide and adorning a ridiculous grin. (for the non-keralites Jayan is a mallu actor of olden days who had the dressing sense of Elvis Presley and danced as if he was about to have a nervous break-down).

Well my version of the story was that I was embracing life with open arms ;-).

Cry my Child…

So that’s what my mother carried for 9 months – an upside down Jayan. And finally on the V-Day I decided this is the day that’s gonna mark my grand entry into this universe. Well, it was grand indeed…

My mother had to have a cesarean. I gave her complications before birth and have been continuing the legend till date :-). But when the doctor cut her up, he realized that I was too spread out in my Jayan posture that he had to cut my mother up a couple of times more (I have sworn to hunt that doctor down and cut HIM to pieces!!!).

So finally after replicating Mask of Zorros’s signature on mummy’s tummy I was taken out of her womb and into this world all bloody and wrinkled. But when all normal childbirths were marked by the cry of life, I decided to be a little different from the rest. I was so consumed with my sleep (which became my favorite pastime in the years to come) that I forgot about the rule that I should cry. My mother let out an anxious cry, only to be silenced by the doctor who gestured with his hand against his chest (in the background came the ICICI jingle “Hum Hai Na…”). So, the doc held me by my legs gave me one tight slap on my unassuming bottom (Another reason why I intend to hunt him down). To the relief of my mother I let out a loud cry that shook the hospital structure. WAAAAAAAAAH… (Translated: “You *&@#$#^!^#^^$”).

Lonely… I am so lonely…

The cute male nurses (there are a lot of cute male nurses in U.A.E, where I was born) immediately wrapped me up and took me away to clean me. As they put me on a table I struck a Pamela-Anderson-on-the-beach pose and cooed “Blookloo…ma…coooooo?” (Translated: “Aint I cuuuute?”). But they took one look at me and ran away into the theatre room to find refuge away from the horrific creations of nature. I cried out with my little arms outstretched “Gulooooo…ma…nanaaaa…; Bulooooo…ma…nanaaaa…” (Translated: “Hold me now; Touch me now”). (Four years hence Glenn Medeiros found inspiration in these words and thus came the most famous love song of our era “Nothings gonna change my love for you”.)

Apparently, my mother was having complications after she delivered me and was bleeding profusely. While the doctor and nurses were fighting against fate and hope to set things back to normal, I was left in some corner of a hospital room oh so very lonely. Outside the theatre room my father was feeling as if he was living a nightmare.

All in the eyes of a Man…

Finally after it was ensured that my mother was safe, the nurses decided to display me to the world waiting outside. After what transpired one would expect a reaction something like this when one took a look at me: “That’s it??? All this pain and trauma for THIS???” But as I was kept snugly into the warm arms of my father I was ready to strike my Pamela Anderson pose again, only to be stopped by the look in my father’s eyes. The common opening statement by the nurse “It’s a GIRLLLLL!!!!” was easily forgotten amidst the havoc. The doctor did tell my father that my mother wouldn’t conceive again due to the operation undertaken to save her life. But as my father gazed into my half-closed eyes, the news didn’t seem to him the least bit important. (In short my parents were stuck with me for life… only me… Only years later, did my father realize the true gravity of what the doc was trying to tell him :-)). What I saw that day in my father’s eyes was probably the purest form of love-at-first-sight.

So that was the beginning of my journey into my Topsy-turvy world. The 23 years that followed have been punctuated by unexpected events that have defined the very essence of my life.

But I am still searching for the doc though… ;-)

33 comments:

Dew Drops said...

My good lord, now I know the feelings of Shiv Senaians in going violent on the V-Day. Poor chaps..

Anytime my kids show no sign of going to sleep, I'll read them this story :-) After a few attempts, I may be able to finish it :-)

Welcome to the world of kuch kaam dhanda nahi hein. So let us start blogging team.

Shukla said...

After i read your blog,
I did search on google to check whether it is a copy paste from some
website
i could not find any
so now we can say that it is quite original

now about your blog
it was too difficult to understand
but somehow i manage to get few points out of it which i can tell.

Anyways,
It is quite a nice way to pass your time in Reliance. It this
continues..
then the day is not far when we will be writing a blog
"Reliance retail in the ocean of dreams"

Joseph said...

Why just the genesis? Probably U shud write something about your spicy(?) icfai bang days??

Shriedhar said...

Hi there
thnx 4 droppin by .

started recently naaa .
happy blogging :)
felt , a lil more shd be displayed abt u :)

Rose said...

@Dew Drops: I hope Shiv Sena-ians dont hunt me down... ;-)

@Shukla: I know now that you are a team leader u r in the habit of cross-checking the reports of ur team... u'll get over it...

Reliance Retail has ventured into the Ocean of Dreamz in an endeavour that no Indian Co has attempted ever... and it will sail across the ocean to its shore when time comes... ;-)

@Joe: Wud definitely write abt ICFAI days... they were undoubtedly the best days of my life..

Ships said...

Hey Rose, Just dropped by at ur blog...I still can't stop laughing!! Well.. I dont know ur real name... but the name Rose has been one of my favs for my writings!

Thank God that u were not born on human rights day like me!! GOD knows wat else wud've happened!hehe... If this is your first post, next ones would be wat!!

I thoroughly enjoyed ur style of writing... Keep up the gr8 work.

Anonymous said...

am sure if the doc reads this...he sure is gonna be running away hiding from you....:-D

Musafir said...

Lucky you, to have pop who has ' that look in his eyes'

And lucky guy, your Pop. To have baby so understanding, who can read 'the look in his eyes'

Nice piece of writing.....
Your writing suggests strong influence of the books that you read..

Waiting for the years to come to unfold..

Ciao

Musafir said...

Lucky you, to have pop who has ' that look in his eyes'

And lucky guy, your Pop. To have baby so understanding, who can read 'the look in his eyes'

Nice piece of writing.....
Your writing suggests strong influence of the books that you read..

Waiting for the years to come to unfold..

Ciao

reshmi said...

very well written, baby
keep it up....

Shekhar said...

Oye..Awesome blog !! Had a blast reading it. :))

Heart of Gold !! said...

Finally, this IT head has found time to read this virgin post by the infamous rose.

Well done baby, now you are on the uphill road too.

welcome to the world of 'so cruel bloggers' and payback time.

Am waiting for more blogs to square some accounts. This time you are spared and congratulated tooo..

Love
John

Krishnan said...

Always knew that you had an imagination crazier than mine.. you just proved it ...

But, you missed out the ' pussy cat in shreik II' looks that you would have given your father when you were placed in his hands...


Nice. Must say u have a flair...

k

ani said...

hey u write well!!!
:-) totally luvd the amazing description! reminded me of a conversation my ma n aunt were havin abt my birth! i was like a whole ten days late n my aunt was runnin out of the leave she'd takn... the reaction alla round, "jaldi kar ya! kitna time lagayegi??!!!"

SUNMAY said...

yeah that's one of my best pics... in my designer robes!

SUNMAY said...

yeah that's one of my best pics... in my designer robes!

Rams said...

Well, this is one interesting piece of writing I must say. Thanx fro dropping by. Still wondering how did u reach my blog??

Rams said...

Hey, thanx for dropping by. You've come up with an excellent post I must say!. Am still wondering how did u reach my blog....

Ships said...

Waiting for the sequel... :)

anup.777 said...

u have a gr8 style! ... humour sprinkled all along ... I'm still grinning ...

Hope U have a gr8 weekend!

"Well my version of the story was that I was embracing life with open arms ;-)." - lolz ... :)

Gotta Be Max said...

Hey!
Thanks for dropping by...

This was an lovely one! Laughing ridiculously at some of those lines!

[V[ish said...

Gr8 Work Rose, keep it up

Rose said...

@Ships - I liked ur post on Rose... Human rights day???? my my... :)

@Musafir - ;)

@Heart of WHAT - Cant wait to trudge further uphill along with cruel bloggers like u.. :)

@Ani - haha... I bet u wud hv dozed off in there conveniently forgetting ur due date.. funny how we can be nuisances even b4 being born...

@Sunmay - u luk very natural in them... ;-)

@Rams - hmmm... U can never predict the paths that cross.. :)

@Anup - Keep grinning!!!

Happy Blogging guys...

jac said...

9 months, 9 days, 9 hrs & 9 mts to be exact.

calvin said...

hehe. I like humor and I know when i see it . :D Never read anyone's writing about one's own birth except , Vaikkom Muhammed Basheer's . :D Nice one

Activity said...

let me put this as blunt as possible..

This was absolutely the most pathetic excuse for a debut entry to the inanimate world of blogs and that has to be the most brilliant one as such..

it was heartwarmingly gr8!

the birth of a blog ... / blogger :D

did ya visit my new blog @ wordpress --> http://tarunactivity.wordpress.com

death said...

where did you get this phrase from?

I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.

Raza said...

Found your blog links from Abhinav's blog comments. I must say it was a great post . One thing I could certainly relate to was the parents suffering (not literally , of course ) as we grow older. And guess what, they tell me that as often as I breathe :D

Lost in trance... said...

quite an interesting start i shud say!

particularly njoyed the jayan pose...cant quite imagine! :)

death said...

well, where did you get that phrase from???? tell me. i used to have a friend who would say things like that

death said...

. drop in an email if possible : blaack.love@gmail.com

Rose said...

@Death...

If u think i cud be that friend.. i dnt think so...

"I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul" is a famous quote of William E. Henley...

~Smiles~

..Me

Sreekumar said...

if ur entry into the world also rules out the entry of any other sibling...it does leaves you feeling guilty with what could have been.

i am in the same situation :-)